The Green Eyed Monster
I felt bad for cutting her off mid-sentence like that. But if I hadn't, she'd have just kept going on and on about how unfair everything in her life was. I can accept such a level of thinking from a child, but when you're an adult who cries 'why me?' every other second, my automatic 'in one ear and out the other' defense mechanism kicks in. Our conversation started easily enough. A co-worker purchased a boat and posted pictures of he and his family enjoying his new toy over the weekend. His single joyous occasion sparked a rampage of insults and inquiry from her. It made for a very uncomfortable scene. She paused and then looked at me puzzled and exclaimed, "Why? Doesn't it bother you?" She then went on about how she pondered just how he was able to afford such a luxury. Was he stealing from the company? Were his parents rich? Did he recently win a lawsuit? She rattled off several scenarios, each more increasingly outrageous. As I poured my second cup of dark roast (she was killing my morning buzz), I asked her, "did you ask him?" Her eyes lit up. For someone who was only a short moment ago animated and loquacious, she now stood almost solemn in front of me. Hmmmm....had I hit a nerve? "That would be rude," was her retort. Really?! Because I guess comparing our co-worker to a mob boss who shakes down people for money isn't. Then she mouthed, almost inaudibly, "aren't you even the least bit jealous?" Truthfully? No, I'm not that person.
For me, jealousy denotes that I'm angry that you have something that I want but am fearful that I can't ever attain. Not so fast grasshopper! You see, I'm finally quite secure with myself. Sure my passport doesn't have all the stamps that I'd like...yet. Sure, I'd like to one-day trade in my six-year old GMC for a Mercedes C-Class. No, I wouldn't mind one bit if my Sasquatch size 10 (wide width) foot slipped into a pair of shoes with red bottoms. But trust me, I'm perfectly happy with my life. I rest at night comfortably knowing that I am truly blessed. I enjoy traveling vicariously through the journeys of family and friends. Currently, I'm visiting Thailand, London and Quebec thanks to a cousin, a former co-worker and my next door neighbor. I applaud and celebrate family members new luxury purchases. I've learned that knowing someone with a boat is much more fun than owning one yourself. No maintenance, gas, dock fees, yet heck-a-fun parties.
Here's what I've come to understand.... no one has it easy. That boat that was purchased, was the hard earned reward from working ten hours a day, five days a week at one job, and then heading straight to a part-time job for the past three years. You find out how that the woman who drives the beat up Buick and wears the same outfit at least twice a week, was able to vacation in Dubai. You know, the one who hasn't taken a vacation in ten years, because she and her husband had been saving every dime they have for this trip of a lifetime.
Truth be told...I'm not interested in competing with anyone. It's damn hard out there.
I hope that we ALL make it!